Tips for Impressing your Barkeep

Yes. Recovery is almost finished. Energy levels are still a bit wonky, but pretty much, I'm back at it.

Mostly that means serving an excess of company Christmas parties, and bartending for catered events. One thing that completely shocks me about these parties is people's lack of ability to be on time. You book a table for 40 people for 5:00 PM, and you don't show up until 5:45 PM, which puts you at the exact same time as the other party of 35. Then, you complain when your food takes a long time. I'm going just put this out there - the later you are, the more people order ahead of you. It's the physics of dining out.

That being said, I've had some very friendly guests lately, and not as many grinches as I expected (though I seem to fall into that category this Christmas). So many friendly ones, in fact, that I am making sure my wedding ring is in full sight at all times. I'm not sure what it is about female bartenders charging horrendous prices for rum and coke, but they're coming out of the woodwork. Perhaps its the fact that I'm generally the only girl in the room they HAVEN'T had to CC on a by-weekly email. Maybe it is just that I try to smile when mixing a caesar, and make conversation when I'm searching for your non-alcoholic beer (really?!). I'm told its a combination of something I'm unintentionally putting out there, and something that wish they were seeing. The funny thing is, there are so many many more head-turning women working there than me. I can only imagine what would happen if they were behind the bar!

Either way, I always feel like the jerk of the situation when I have to let someone down, and try to do it easy. Here, in the spirit of winter festivities are a couple tips for anyone planning to hit on their event bartenders. We see more than you'd think.

1. Festive ties are NOT sexy.

2. Telling me how lame your night is? Not sexy. My night is NEVER as good as I say it is but I can fake it. You're getting free food, and potentially company booze. Just, enjoy it.

3. Asking for a free shot is NOT sexy, you're not the first person to ask, and if we are caught, we will get fired.

4. Bringing mistletoe does not require me to come near you. Bartenders get a boat-load of loopholes most people don't know about. Please leave the holly at home.

5. If you are planning on coming anywhere close to asking your barkeep on a date, or even to the after-party / club / party-in-your-pants, you won't have a chance unless you tip for your drinks. Even the five free tickets you scammed off the underage receptionist. Savvy?

Good luck to all those who are on the prowl this season, and Happy Christmas to the rest of you. If anyone is volunteering to set up and take down my tree, there may be some Pumpkin Bourbon Cheesecake in it for you.

Time for this Grinch to polish her wine crank and get on with it!

**This post had NOTHING to do with writing - but that post is coming**

Uncle Sam Wants YOU.

Actually, he hates it when I speak on his behalf.

I want your script though. I still have one spot open for a read for November. Take me up on this - I WILL send you notes.

Truthfully, I'm Canadian, so he doesn't even want me.

Happy Launch!

I've been doing some thinking lately. OK, a lot of thinking. I've had time, since Vancouver has been killing the restaurant industry lately with its collective reluctance to eat out. Bring on the Christmas parties, and possibly the anxiety killers.

I've been mulling over how to create a niche for myself in this epic climate of change and uncertainty. The interwebs, while wonderful and life altering, are also a bit overwhelming when it comes to carving out a space for yourself. Invariably, there are more than several people who are exactly like you, and possibly better at what you do than you are. That being said, this is my attempt to prove my online worth. I already have built myself a small profile as a writer, social-networking junkie, and avid entertainment fanatic. You can find out more about me HERE, HERE or HERE. Future Ex-Waitress is the place I'm going to send anyone who can benefit from what I know, and in turn, I can benefit by gaining more experience.

Lately I have been asked to give several tutorials on Social Media, Blogging, and online communicating to those in my inner circle. I obviously comply, because I want nothing more than to show my nearest and dearest the heroin grade addictiveness that is the online world and the benefits that go along with it. I've also been giving out free reads with contests on Twitter like DSLC and iTunes Trivia. I've dabbled at providing free bios in exchange for band merch or tickets, as well as providing content for video game developers who haven't found their funding just yet. All of this is the beginnings of a career in writing, and social media, which has led me here.

This is the site for you if you're looking for assistance. Tutorials on social media, and how to combine your Facebook, Twitter and Blog. A read for your script by another writer with notes. A bio for your band, club, website. Content for your free online site. A movie review, or a HaikuMovieReview. A Family Christmas letter (maybe? I'm thinking outside the box here). I have installed -by sheer PayPal awesomeness- a "Donate" button at the top of this page. If anything I manage to write for you causes more than the usual amount of relief, The Future Ex-Waitress Fund is accessible. If not, I got experience, and you got a product.

I am told this is the time to create a position for yourself. This is my first humble attempt.